I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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