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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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