At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
