Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
