there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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