I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
