oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
