I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
