i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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