It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
