I seem to have left my pride at pride
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
