I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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