He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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