I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
