i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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