he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
