I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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