so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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