Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
