You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize