I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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