He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize