Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
