I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize