all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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