Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I skipped work to stalk him.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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