I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
