I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
