hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I AM VODKA MAN
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
