anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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