that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize