Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
