she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
