You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
