You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
the room spins SO much faster in panama
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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