Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
