I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
