This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
