I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
