He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
