omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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