AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
