she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
