he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
