What a fucking waste of an outfit
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
His hands were made for my vagina.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
