Screwed.edu
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I intend to get homeless drunk
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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