who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
