A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
