It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
