Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
