Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
now i know why i became what i already was.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
