Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
