i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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