half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize