if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
