M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
