I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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