Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
