I'm so fucking centered right now
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
