and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
