That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
BRING THE BAGELS
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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