hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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