theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize