Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
