Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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