all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
