that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
