I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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