If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
