i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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