you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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