i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
