Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
