and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
