my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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