I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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