btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
