i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
